i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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