it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
