I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
