just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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