let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
no, he came in my armpit
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
do nipples grow back?
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