My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
