somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
