ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
