There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
