farters have to be the big spoon...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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