Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
