If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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