Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Randomize
