You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
