Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
no, he came in my armpit
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
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