As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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