hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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