people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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