Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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