it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
