there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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