If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
