Do you still have your period?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
