There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
