I just pynch a tree in the face
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I woke up under a house in Key West
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
