the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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