My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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