Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize