Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize