he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize