Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
