Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
