Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
two words: eviction party
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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