Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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