Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
