In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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