Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize