Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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