I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
