break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
