Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
