Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize