If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
