We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize