Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
50% drunk capacity currently
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
