We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
