I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
