my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize