I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
