I'm drive I can fine osifer
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
