I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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