the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
