Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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