my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
