We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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