Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
