I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
