our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
