Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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