sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
