I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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