She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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