upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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