He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
