I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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