Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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