haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
