Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
