so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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