I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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