I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
