she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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