she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My cat gives me a boner
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
