I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
