the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
