I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
