Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
