Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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