Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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