I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
