I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
