hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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