My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm too high and old for this...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
