He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
