So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
