I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
