he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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