Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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