I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
