i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
