that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
