Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
