Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize