one word: firstdatebathroomanal
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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